we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
