i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
