I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
