That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
