are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
