i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
