One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
