My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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