My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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