Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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