based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize