what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
