um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize