I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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