If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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