I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You can't special order awesome
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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