I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
