There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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