Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
