ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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