He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
