I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
