lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
