You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
