Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
