Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
