So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
