we're blogging at a bar
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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