There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
