i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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