Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize
