I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Oh god it's open bar.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
