ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
