I love having hate sex.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
