her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
