you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
my poor anus
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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