I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
