Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
