How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
