we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
