You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
