Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
