Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
