I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
