he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
