Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
NoShamevember. You game?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
