I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
