didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
