omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
