peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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