if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
