Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
