I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
