I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
