I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
