if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize