Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
