Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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