don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize