You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
