im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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