News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
