Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
