Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
