i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
