Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize