I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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