i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
