I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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