I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
