I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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