I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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