did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
