No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
