I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
