The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
PANTIES FOUND
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