This is not my ceiling
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
