wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
