@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
