how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
