why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
