is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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