You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
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