Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
