I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
