8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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