dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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