We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
