In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
