I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize