I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
