he wants to bone in the snuggie
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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