what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
