Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She bit a glass in half.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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