Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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