Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
