Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
