I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
