then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize